Star Wars Bake Off (with a dash of reylo)
by Hellyjellybean
Summary: Its star wars bake off! Join all our favourites as they compete for star baker! Lando and L3 are your hosts and judges along with a reluctant Paul Hollywood. Will Rey have any ingredients left to bake with? Will Kylo be as good in the kitchen as he is on the battlefield? Lets find out! Just a funny one shot. Hope you enjoy!


Lando: 'Hello and welcome to another series of bake off! I'm your host Lando and this is my partner in crime L3.'

L3: 'He means that literally, because we're wanted in connection with a number of unsolved...

Lando: 'Ha ha ha! Such a joker! Later we'll be joined by our special guest judge Paul Hollywood!'

L3: 'Yeah, He is just recovering from one too many endorian ales last night…..not from the tranquilliser we administered him with in order to bring him here to participate in this show with us.'

Lando: 'Yes. Well. Moving on, we have an excellent set of participants this year, you might even say they are out of this world!'

L3: 'Well you can say that can't you? Because they are….'

Lando: 'Yes thank you L3, anyway moving on let's meet our new contestants! Right after this commercial break!'

*the show is off air.*

Lando: 'L3 we talked about this….'

L3: 'We talked about what?'

Lando: 'About your attitude? Remember?'

L3: 'What attitude? I'm a delight, at least that's what you said last night….'

Crew member: 'We're back in five!'

Lando: 'And we're back! So let's meet those contestants, they are all thrilled to be here!'

L3: 'Well apart from Paul because we basically kidnapped him…'

Lando: 'First up we have a lovely little old lady from Takodana, Maz Kanata!'

*Cut to a scene of Maz back in her castle kitchen stirring a pot. We hear Maz's voice over the image.*

Maz: 'I find that cooking really helps me relax after a hard day of negotiating union disputes.'

*Suddenly a masked man enters the room and points a blaster at Maz. She untucks a pistol from her belt and without taking her eyes off the pot and blasts a hole in the intruder who falls to the floor dead.*

Maz: 'Dear me what a mess! Do you want to do that shot again?'

Director: *Hissing* 'Go back to the studio right now!'

Lando: 'Well no one can say that Maz is boring, that's for sure! This is one elderly lady you _don't_ want to mess with!'

L3: 'Yeah that certainly isn't a sucking candy in her pocket!'

Lando: 'Okay moving on, we have Chewie! A Chewbacca from Kashyyyk.'

*Cut to Chewie on board the falcon, serving up plates of food.*

Lando talks over the footage: 'Chewie is a close personal friend actually and I can vouch for the fact that his Porg surprise is amazing. *whispers* the secret ingredient is _love_, well actually it's grind up porg, but I digress!'

*Chewie makes incomprehensible noises.*

Lando: 'An excellent point Chewie! Now moving on we have a man who needs no introduction.'

*cuts straight to anch-to and an image of Luke crouched over a pot boiling on a small campfire.*

Lando voice over: 'Luke had been a legend for many years and not just for his enviable Jedi skills, but also for his talent for nomad style cuisine.'

Luke: 'I enjoy drinking and eating things that others would consider inedible.' He states with a grumpy look on his face.

*cuts back to the studio.*

Lando: 'Well, That should make for some interesting recipes here in the bake off tent! Welcome Luke!'

L3: 'Lets go to a commercial, I know you're all dying to know where you can get the new Admiral Ackbar crab based cereal. These special deals are _not_ a trap!'

*The team is now off the air and Lando has a word with some of the more troublesome contestants.*

Lando: 'Kylo Ren! If I see you in Rey's workspace one more time you will be disqualified!'

*Kylo stares intently at Lando*

Lando: 'I…..wait…..what was I saying? Anyway, excellent work everyone but especially Kylo! Everyone should follow Kylo's lead!'

*Kylo casually salutes at Lando.*

*Lando signals for Rey to come to the front of the tent. Lando swallows hard as he sees Kylo staring intensely at him with clenched fists.*

Lando: 'Rey honey, I love you, we all do, but if you continue to eat all of your ingredients before we start cooking, we will have to remove you from the competition. Okay? Okay. Now go on back to your station.'

*Lando sighs and watches her wistfully as Rey skips back to her station. He looks away quickly when he sees the murderous intent in Kylo's eyes.*

*Paul Hollywood joins the team. Lando convinces him it's all a dream and Paul is so confused he buys it. Lando introduces him to the contestants.*

Paul Hollywood: 'Poe, what is that beeping noise coming from your workspace?'

*Poe mumbles*

Lando: 'No it's not your oven! What is it? DO YOU HAVE A DROID ON THE PREMICES? Droids are strictly forbidden Poe! BB8 will have to leave.'

*Kylo raises his voice in anger*

*Lando rubs his face* 'No it's not a crime punishable by death, Kylo. Please sit down, and that better not be a saber at your waist!'

*Kylo mumbles*

Lando: 'There is no such thing as an emotional support saber Kylo! Urgh, I can't deal with this right now...just keep it holstered!'

*The Cameras start rolling.*

Lando: 'Welcome back! We're making excellent progress here!'

Lando: 'Leia! That looks amazing! What do you call that?'

Leia: 'A mother's love.'

*Loud snort from Kylo, Leia turns and glares at him.*

Leia: 'Some people think I am devoid of emotion, so I made this cake to represent how much I love my son. That's why it's so big, because my love is endless.'

Kylo: 'My cake is called bitter resentment! It's a three tier disappointment with a chocolate ganache. And I invite you to have a nice big slice mother….'

Rey: 'Leia don't do it, it's a trap! He's put something in the cake.'

Kylo: 'There's nothing in there but sugar, flour and my undying hatred for you, mother.'

*Rey shakes her head at Leia and goes over to Kylo's work area. She stands with her hands on her hips then wags her finger at Kylo. She then walks back to her station and folds her arms with a frown on her face.*

Kylo: 'Erh, I want to change my entry.' *produces another cake from under his bench.* 'This one was meant to be a surprise but it can be my entry instead.'

*Rey looks at the chocolate cake with swirly gray, white and brown icing, which has a small fondant figure of herself with a lightsaber on top. Rey blushes and smiles at Kylo who looks relieved to be forgiven.*

L3: 'Excellent! Then the judging can begin!'

*Paul, Lando and L3 view each of the entry's, then leave to decide who will be crowned star baker.*

Lando: 'We've decided that Kylo's cake is the winner this week so he is the star baker! Kylo...Kylo? Where is Kylo?'

*Kylo strides through the tent doors looking very pleased with himself.*

Lando: Kylo! There you are! You're our star baker!'

Kylo: 'Naturally.'

*A few moments later a dishevelled Rey stumbles into the tent. She looks at Kylo and blushes.*

Lando: 'And I'm afraid this week we have to let Rey go, sorry Rey, but that's…'

*Rey look upset and Kylo's nostrils flare.*

Kylo: 'No we won't be doing that.'

Lando: 'No, we won't say goodbye to Rey, we're going to say goodbye to Luke! Goodbye Luke! Don't let the door hit you on the way out!'

*Off air*

Lando: 'Sorry Luke that was so rude, I don't know why I announced it like that!'

Luke: Dont worry about it. I need to get back to my Porg brethren.'

Lando: 'Erh, okay…'

*Lando watches Rey and Kylo leave together, Kylo is carrying his cake from earlier.*

Lando: 'This show is a train wreck!'

L3: 'I think it went rather well!'

*End.*


End file.
